Thread: confused
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Old 10-29-2010, 05:39 AM
Ssebo Ssebo is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 9
Default don't feel guilty

D, thank you for doing this and joining A and me here. I really appreciate it and so does A.

Yes, it's me S, me who hurt the two women I love so much and inflicted this pain. Not intentionally but out of ... fear, or confusion, just as D? No, not confused. D will remember me always saying: "How can what feels so right and good be wrong...?"... Neither D nor I sought each other out. D had reservations from the start and for both of us it was against our principles. We broke them. For good reason? Reason? No, as GS says in our thread, life is funny sometimes, and we don't know what the universe holds for us and why.

Why did I pursue D? not for the sex or the "a faire" sake. I felt something strong from her which my innermost accepted and returned.

@quath, thank you for taken the time to reply to D... agreed, you can't help who you fall in love with. I could have helped though with what to do about it - and stop it. But I felt it was too strong and too good and yes, i selfishly wanted it. We did try talking about Poly with A a few times, but I felt A was not ready for the practical part of it. As a "fantasy" it was quite acceptable to my wife, we even went as far as me asking her who she could imagine being part of it... strangely (and for me happily) D was amongst "possibles" for her, based on the fact that my wife knew I like her and she liked her too. After all A chose D as my personal assistant. And yes, I apologise again for the hurt, pain and anger my actions caused my wife and D subsequently, for making this really personal.

@Mono, Hi... I believe you are part of Redpepper who was quite active replying to me with a good dose of ... but she is right. You are blessed and so are we for your concern. Your advise was unbiased and sound and I feel, from your heart. Thank you. Yes D needs to listen inside herself which she can do very well and I love her for the balance too. She is "the youngest" by age (who cares) and at times so much wiser than us, sorry, than me. I know that D sees it like me regarding "other parties' concerns or opinions" - we don't care as it's our life. A has some more concerns about that, but as said in my thread http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4078 we have the comfort of our own very private space with absolutely NO worry about interfering visitors who might not "approve" - that may be, will help A too to approach poly with calm and no fear of public opinion.

Mono, we are living in Africa... where by culture "multi-party-relationships" more of the polygamy type are fathomed since ever and have only been interrupted by "nurture" of colonial "standards. That would make this a bit easier, but after so many generations of "cultivation" there are plenty of folks around who would scream at the proposition. Mind you, legislation is pushing a "ANTI-GAY"-Bill! Having said that, we don't want that either, because traditionally I would have to run now 2 homes with A and D each and split the "time" and all else which neither I, nor A and D want.

We, D and I, really want to share life with A. And as it appears, A seems to be taking to the idea in principle. Right now, she is racing ahead in her mind considering all sorts of things though, which are long not due and rather disturbing for her. Right now, I am actually trying to put the brakes on. The main concern are the children (11 and 8) and how will they take to it? I do like Redpepper's approach on that and kindly ask you to may be share more on that, if you don't mind. Thank you.

@eklctc, Due to A opening up and her urge to involve D after 3 weeks, we had a great get together with all three of us. We all parted happy, feeling warm and ... yes, content full of love. Since then we do communicate honestly, with D and me being very concerned for A being comfortable. We are also honestly voicing our unease or discomfort and talk about what we want, trying to find ways of making it happen. I love both beyond what I would have thought possible. And I love A and D for being such great women who chosen to be in my life. You are right and I could bite my own south side for having been such a dumb ass to begin with.

Thank you for helping us and thank you D, for loving me the way you do enriching our life's and thank you A, my wife, for your deep love and the will to try to be open and experience something together, which is unknown and scary to you (as it is for me) and has no clearly visible outcome yet. But I know we can make it what we all agree it should be.
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