Originally Posted by eklctc
@redpepper- you must have misunderstood my statement. The traditional, conditioned mindset statement was in reference to the 'slow down' thought process not the 'speed up'. Of course, we all know that is the 'first' statement most people would make because that IS what is taught as the norm in relationship development. The traditional relationship mindset, in general, is a conditioned mindset. Laws, society, and many religions have given us the blueprint of how relationships should be conducted, who can be involved with them, what type of sex is acceptable, etc. and those standards are filtered down through most generations and accepted as 'the right way'. I have had some experience in various traditional and alternative relationship types and the topic at hand happens across the board (speedy development). Of course it would seem that it happens moreso in one community than another depending on what community you are involved in. Plus, since most alternative relationship communities do not associate in big groups, I could see how one would determine quicker development in comparison to others in various poly communities since they are most likely basing their opinion on a small nitch of people.
Of course, we know any relationship type can develop at various paces...what pace is an acceptable one depends on who's analyzing it. My point is...the only comfort levels that are important are those of the people involved in the relationship.; however, I believe in proceeding with caution in all situations regardless of the length of time vested. Contrary to popular belief, time doesn't guarantee knowledge, especially, when dealing with people who are constantly changing, growing, and learning.
All that to say, though, we all inquire about the thoughts of others, we (well I know I do) do so as a sounding board to, hopefully, be introduced to some points that we 'hadn't' considered as we make our decision on how to move forward.
Thanks for your thoughts.
I think this is a very valid point, not to slow down so much as to be cautious. I get that. I still would recommend slowing down in order to understand what to be cautious about, and so as to understand and see what will naturally come up. Especially where children are involved and a whole lot of NRE energy.
Really my concern was more in the approach that you had... we don't all subscribe to the same point of view and in your original post it seemed that you were challenging GS and therefore me because I would of agreed with him... maybe for differing reasons, but essentially agreed...
He was loud in saying that the OP should "SLOW DOWN!" That could of come off as bossy for sure... I have known him on here a while and am used to how he posts. I doubt that is what it was meant to sound like. When you said back to him and the OP "you will probably receive a few responses from people telling you to slow down. I, however, am not one of those people. That is another traditional, conditioned mindset that people have to grow away from." I was alarmed as it isn't my experience and I don't have any desire to grow away from my opinion.
I have never been told to "slow down" in all the years I have had relationships (I am 40 now) and I can tell you I have had some fast developments... Mono and I took all of a week to meet, fuck and then get to our regular Tuesday night sleep overs... way fast and no one said anything, except PN. Who would of preferred I went at his pace because he struggled. A slower pace.
I learned to slow down from hard earned experience and while I stand by my view I can still respect that it works for others to fly into things... hell, it worked for us...
I think if you had marketed your
view and said something along the lines of "I believe, or I think, or in my experience" I, for one, would not feel as if my understanding of the world and my experience in my own life are not valid or wrong because you think I should change my "another traditional, conditioned mindset." Frankly I'm not that keen on being told that by someone that doesn't know me...
Sorry if this sounds harsh, I am really not meaning it too, and I totally understand now the point you are making and fully agree. I respect you have had different experiences, but I just thought I would offer this communication concept for you and others to think about as I find sometimes that a reasonable and valuable point is missed because of the way it has been said... I hope it's helpful and I apologize to the OP for getting off track.