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Old 10-28-2010, 09:18 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by eklctc View Post
.........I'm the sacrificial lamb in this relationship. I have always been the bender, the more flexible, the one who can go more with the flow than I observe and define my tolerances in a relationship.
Ummmmm - that sucks. I'm sorry you feel that way. Let's hope there's at least some mis-perception in there. Hope.
This seems to be one of the difficult bridges to cross as a 3rd entering an existing pair. Too often the pair seems locked into a certain paired flow and they believe the 3rd - as a free and independent person, has nothing else going on in their life/heart but to sit back and wait for the call. Or the hug.

I wish all 3 way relationships would start with something like this....

{pair} - we want you to be as much a part of our life as possible but we need you to share with us what YOU need too ! We can't promise to always provide but we'll try. It's new to us but we believe in it and are committed to making changes that need to be made to fit a different model.
You're happiness matters to us !

{new 3rd} I know you guys have a life, history, patterns that's worked for a pair. I want to be as much a part of that as possible. I know it will take time, but I need to know you believe me in this and I need to feel we're making forward progress. I don't want to feel parked on the sideline. And I want to help make your life easier and better. Your happiness matters to me !

Only if.............

You seem to have a good handle on this - if maybe you are a little disillusioned right now. But we all know all too well - not everyone that 'wants' an expanded relationship is willing to put forth the effort required. With all the other pressures of modern life, sometimes it just seems too much. So you try to wing it for awhile, hope to get something for nothing - or some majik. You seem prepared to call a spade a spade if it comes to that.

I hope for you (and them) it doesn't come to that. The early phases are the most work, after awhile it does smooth out somewhat - if you can get over that hump !

Good luck.

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