redpepper you are right... it's semantics and I time is relative and besides, it does not change the fact that I cheated, betrayed my wife's trust and hurt everyone along the way. That is acknowledged and I take responsibility, affair in the usual context has something "passing" that is/was the issue for me... so let's leave the semantics of that word and move to the actual issue and its resolve.
Let's move this on beyond the words... yes, I had an affair and now I have to "a faire" and do whatever I can to make this right again for us.
hm... you lost the bet means just that. You bet the sex was not so great... and you lost on that one and the sex was not the cause, rather part of the effect - both (SA and D) sides and mine of course.
What is going to happen now...? Well, for now we all three are talking - a lot. SA is such a great woman with a grand heart. She does go through massive emotional swings from all warm and peaceful after we just met all three for the first time to doubtful and scared like yesterday. I really would love to make this easier for her and... I am not pushing! I rather keep the brake on for now as she does tend to race ahead to far to fast now. I think we should try to do things together for now as much as my wife likes and we can within her comfort zone, rather then dissecting everything in an attempt to "map out the future"... I feel we should try to enjoy having a life together and heal her and each other in the process.
D ans SA had a long talk this morning without me and both looked and feel happy (to me) after. We try to spend time together, nothing in particular or planned out, just spending time, which I feel will help us altogether and my wife especially.
Right now, my wife only sees how "happy" I am since we are including D in our resolve and healing process. They have no problems or issues with each other and as said, they love each other too. SA is trying to think of ways how we can make it work, actually considering D's happiness and needs a lot more than hers, which worries me too. Naturally, having to deal with the Cheating/Affair AND poly at once is a lot for her who considered herself mono all her life and didn't know poly existed. So how to break it to friends and family, fear of meeting with disapproval is quite an issue.
My wife, SA, can imagine to an extent that we all three have a relationship together but does not want the typical 5 days here/5 days there, whilst D can't really see yet to "live in" with us. We are fortunate enough though to live in a very very secluded place (an island) with loads of space, so I think we could arrange life comfortable for all.
"Just for today..."