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Old 10-28-2010, 06:21 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,655

It sounds like you are really enjoying yourself ambleew. This stage of the game of your budding relationship can be very exciting and has made me feel that there are happy times ahead. That could be true, but I would suggest that you check out that feeling you are having. I wonder if it is telling you something about the pace you all have been going on.

I would suggest that you slow down and really let the moment be. There is no rush to move people in, raise kids and plan a future in any serious way I don't think. The not so great thing about NRE is that it doesn't last.

I have known quite a few relationships that have done a world wind of things all under the influence of NRE and then when that has settled wondered what the hell they had done and have to figure out how to change things so they will work rather than decide where to move forward at that point.

Most of the time, the relationships I have known of that do such things as move someone in, promise to raise their children and have given them money (not to say that you have done the things on that list that you haven't indicated, but this seems to be pretty close to the list that happens for a lot of people) have crashed and burned in disaster and the kids have suffered along with everyone else. Not fair for them at all to build connections and have them taken away suddenly.

Now this might not happen. But it is that "feeling" of which you speak that has me thinking...

Mono, NP and I have worked for 2 years to get to a place where we all feel safe and secure in our decision to live together. There is absolutely no doubt that we are ready to try it... we all have options if it doesn't work out. This was part of the process for us. None of us wanted to be left in the lurch if it doesn't work.

eklctc, the "traditional, conditioned mindset" of which you speak (also wondering where that came from and what experience you have that would make you suggest that it is a conditioned mindset) is actually more of a poly one in my experience. It seems to be a popular poly trait to rush into relationships with others... to me the rushing and the speed needs to come from my gut and heart through my mouth in the form of communication, not on the speed in which I develop my relationships. Just a thought... what evidence do you have that makes your statement true to you?
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