thank you for replying, I do value your opinion.
Originally Posted by Ssebo
Why do I hate the word "affair"...?
Quite simply, an affair is ... "a romantic or passionate attachment typically of limited duration" ... and this does not feel like it. Some could argue though as it originates from the French "a faire" - to do... and yes, I chose to do it.
Originally Posted by SNeacail
I can understand not disclosing a ONE-TIME slip, but an ongoing affair is different. Truth was you were affraid of the fallout if you were discovered, ie. she would leave you, your affair would have to end, etc.
That is about the only statement in your post where I would like to agree with you that we disagree on that. Not disclosing a ONE-TIME slip is the same as not disclosing an ongoing "affair". Technically, we are back on the a faire - to do. You do it once or more often - no difference. It's double standards and opens the door to really silly arguments... "I only did it once (with her, and her and her)"... or "I only did it ONE-TIME (a day, a week, month...). The basics would be no different, it still is "Cheating" once or more... and I would have felt the same after ONE-Time or as now the ongoing "affair".
I can assure you, I wanted to, would have "come out" especially since I really wanted SA to share this with me - I did not know how. We tried to talk about it ... failed.... and yes, I chose to continue and I do take responsibility for this now - as ugly as it is. But I am there for SA and share her pain and hurt. I am aware it would have been much better to have avoided this and found a different approach altogether.
Thank you SN, overall I share your view, except for the matter of "frequency/rate-of-occurrence of incident".