Originally Posted by redpepper
Welcome to the forum S. Thanks for the long message. I can imagine this has been hard for you. I have a little empathy having been there, but I am struggling with the fact that you hate the word "affair." ...
Thank you Redpepper. I may be on the way to be a "spiritual man" - still a long way to go and obviously, considering the "Cheating", not that enlightened yet as I know now
I could have chosen a different path to get to this point.
Why do I hate the word "affair"...? Well I do in this context, as an affair on my books is something" along the way and by the way, passing, ... not deep or feeling lasting... and this "affair" did not feel like that, that's why. An affair does not feel like you having this urge to share this with the one you are "cheating" on. And that is what I felt and feel - that D is good for both of us and we can learn so much from her and receive good through her.
I fully agree, and said before, all our lower Chakras are actually well balanced, including mine.
Yes, I fucked up, I owned up to it, I am aware and feel the pain I caused my wife and I would love to cry if only I could!
Crying... that is a point I only covered in one line and may be it was gone under in the "over"-long post.
Originally Posted by Ssebo
One thing I forgot to mention though, I have not cried a tear in like over 20 years! Yesterday it was very very close - I had to gulp a few times, at least felt like crying....
Redpepper, I agree with you BUT I can not cry!
getting very close to it (and believe me much closer now than over the last 20 years) I can not cry but I want to - for my wife!
You lost the bet - it was and is. You did not make reference to "with whom" but it is with my wife AND D. But that is not what all this was or is all about. I can do nothing but agree on everything else though and I openly admitted, resumed my responsibility for having fucked up and cheated on my wife. I still can not cry as much as I want to, as I do remember the relief and somewhat clarity it brings after the grief which I am sharing with my wife, who does not resent me or carries hate. D is also very supportive - to her. Yes, the meeting went well, very well, unexpectedly well and we all parted feeling warm and content - a tremendous amount of love for each other.
I think, no I feel we can make this journey together and I agree, we can not even consider to do so without mutual respect, humbleness and dignity, empathetic to not hurt by pushing over current and real boundaries but gently leading each other across "safe passings".
Redpepper... thank you for taking the time to get back to me in my wife's thread, for which I and/or what I did are the cause! And thank you for being honest and sharing this.