I am a self-identified lesbian, have joined the girl's team about 16 years ago and have never looked back. I recently met an amazing 'straight' (but bi-curious) woman with whom I have experienced an instant and very strong chemistry, plus we communicate beautifully and honestly, and even share similar interests. It seems like a wonderful basis from which to navigate into unknown territory.
However, she keeps saying that she doesn't want to commit, that she has no time and energy for a relationship, that she likes meaningless sex with men, possibly two men, but she could also see herself end up with a man and a woman at some stage; and she is all over the idea of trying out toys with me and possibly having a threesome.
While I am not opposed to any of these ideas and like her so much that I would want to see her screwing happily with one or two other men, it seems like she wants it all and much too soon, plus she worries about what people think about us hanging out together (being that she's 'straight').
So she's on the personals (single and available) basically denying any connection with me and she keeps on talking about meaningless sex with men, yet she wants to try out stuff with me while dating these guys.
What gives? I am being hidden, denied the acknowledgment of a connection (not even official fuck-buddy status) and honestly, this is what upsets me the most. I would like to have a place in this. I told her that polyamory actually takes integrity, transparency and honesty, that everybody with whom she relates should be acknowledged.
Obviously, neither one of us has actual poly experience. After many poly people approaching me over the years I am finally looking into it, but I want to do it 'right'. I have seen only one couple who has been pulling it off with amazing integrity and honesty.
Am I allowed to have feelings about this? Being poly doesn't mean that you cannot have feelings about stuff, correct? Anyway, I needed to get this out of my system. Any advice is welcome, thanks.