Just wanted to pop in and say I totally relate to this thread.
My wife, Michelle, is poly. I'm... I'm not. I tried to have a thing with a girl (I've referred to as Bree previously), but she couldn't deal with the married man thing, freaked out, and quit talking to me.
Bree's talking to me again (text and email, anyway). It's funny, there's still this obvious attraction, and the conversation has gotten sexy and affectionate more than once, but last night when I tried to push to actually discuss my relationship with Michelle and how Michelle and I could amicably separate to accommodate a relationship with Bree, the conversation got tense and cold, and she said "we aren't what we were and we will not be." She didn't even let me explain how Michelle and I feel. It feels disrespectful for her to be like that.
I'm so frustrated and lonely. I love Michelle, but I want so very badly some of the NRE she's had. Michelle's moved on from her long-distance boyfriend (I referred to him as Ralph) because he's a bit self-centered and immature. She now has a local boyfriend I'll call Chris, who, from the sound of him, is awesome. I really am happy for Michelle... but that doesn't assuage my own loneliness.
I don't particularly "feel" poly, and I would prefer to be dating a single girl, but I don't know how to even go about meeting one who would be okay with the fact that I'm currently married. I know exactly one girl who I know views me as sexy and attractive in multiple dimensions, but, contrary to the signals she's sending, she apparently doesn't want to pursue anything.
It's such a catch-22. I love my wife and kids, but I want more. I can't have what I want unless my wife and I transition away from our marriage. I don't want to transition away from our marriage unless I have something (other than being alone) to transition to. Which brings me back to loving the wife and kids but wanting more.
I guess I'll just get used to loneliness. Sigh.