Originally Posted by Ssebo
considering the hurt I caused with my "affair" (I h
te this word!) with D to A,
Why do you hate the word and not the action? The word accurately describes your action. The truth of the matter is you did have choices and this is the route you chose to take and now you have to wade through the fallout.
On SA's post, I said that you did not lie to protect her, but to protect yourself. I stand by that, if your goal was to protect SA, your choices and actions would have been different. Having an affair is a selfish action, lying in order to continue said affair is a selfish action. I can understand not disclosing a ONE-TIME slip, but an ongoing affair is different. Truth was you were affraid of the fallout if you were discovered, ie. she would leave you, your affair would have to end, etc.
Finding out after the fact and finding out you were lied to is absolutely devastating and can be worse and more damaging than had the truth come out in the beginning.
Just saying, you need to own up to the entire UGLY truth and proceed from there. No sugar coating it, no justifying it and no lying to yourself. Communication and honesty are key to making any relationship work and it multiplies exponentially when you start adding partners. Good Luck!