Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
Maybe you should stop beating yourself up...maybe you're not poly. Don't associate the above attributes with any specific type of love.
Take care and be kind to yourself.
I agree with Mono! Marymary why you buggin?
Actually when you say you pushed for open/poly relationship, why is that? For him? For you? If for you- which I hope it is- then were you exploring or do you feel for certain that you are poly in nature? Age of course is not THAT important, but you indicated maturity as a possible problem. Do you have many experiences in different kinds of relationships? Are you at a point in your life that you know yourself and your needs?
All questions I have. Love is an unpredictable emotion. Not to be pigeonholed into any one definition.
Your insecurity and hurt is NOT exclusive to monogamy. I often feel insecure or worried about my loves. Have I expected too much, am I pushing too hard, do they get enough of me, am I good enough for them, am I balancing everything, am I damaging my own emotional state by taking on too much? One of the main insecurities I have is- am I destroying something fairly good in my life to pursue something more? These are all fleeting thoughts that enter my mind on occasion. They all amount to- am I worthy of their love?
So when you are worried about pushing your ex into this...were you exploring, or sacrificing, or discovering? Those are the perspectives you should be focused on now. That will help you transition into wherever it is you are going. But that is MY opinion. I have a hard time with feeling guilt or sorrow or negative thoughts for very long. They have their place of course...but I usually wallow for a minute and then spring into action. I need to shake those feelings almost as soon as I feel them because it is my nature to put up, shut up or move on. I truly believe dwelling too long plunges you deeper into depression and self-doubt. Doubt is such an enemy of mine. BTW I don't really shutup too often.
Take care Marymary. This is a good place for support. Keep posting.