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Old 10-27-2010, 04:11 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 727

Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Lately, I have been steping out of my comfort zone a bit and it feels great, it also scares the shit out of me. Everyone, needs some of their own friends and activites that have nothing to do with their spouse or SO. This is not to say our friends can't meet or even hang out with our spouse, but your best friends should not be your spouse's friends first.
Great post! Happy to hear you're getting out on your own a bit. It is REALLY important (especially for women- not trying to sound sexist here but I definitely think we are the more social sex of the species) to have your own network of friends. YOU (and when I say you I mean WE) need outlets other than our spouse and children. I remember when my kids were young and I had gone to working parttime so that I could be home with them, I definitely relied on my single and "connected" friends to keep me interesting. I lived vicariously. I swear I felt for about 5 years that my mind was turning to mush- I knew every Barney song and couldn't tell you any current news issue. Anyway I actually started feeling inadequate, uninteresting, so I reconnected. I needed to feel part of life outside of my house, my own mind. My volunteerism went from school only activities to causes or campaigns that I felt were important- OUTSIDE of my kids. I honestly think it makes me a more engaging and interesting person to anyone not just my husband and bf. I love music and art and theater and I just started attending these things on my own or with people who enjoyed the same activity. My husband not always shared that interest. I love being creative and active and expressive- so why stifle that part of me so that I could attend endless pizza parties or organized school activities. They weren't my friends or people I would normally associate with- they were the parents of my children's friends. There is something seriously destructive to your individuality when you feel compelled to mold or only socialize with your spouse's friends or children's friends' parents. Not that you should avoid these situations or knowing these people- just don't make them the only social contacts in your life. Independence doesn't mean disconnect, it means freedom to choose who, when and how you spend your very precious time and energy.
Just a thought.
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