First and foremost, Thank you. Thank you all for the amazing advice.
Yep.. I'm another one of the "been lurking here for a while" gang. You've heard the story before so I'll spare you the re-telling.
Suffice to say, my wife of 11 years and I have recently decided to open our marriage and I'm happy to report that it seems to be going pretty well, thanks in great part to you. Yes, you. I'm looking directly at you.
We've been in the talking phase for months now. It's been emotional, of course, but we are taking baby steps. We love each other and want each other to be happy. I'm a really lucky guy. We love each other, but in one particular area, we are miles apart.
The first epiphany was realizing that this doesn't make either one of us right or wrong. We simply have different needs and desires. She shouldn't have to feel pressured to do things she doesn't want to do, and I shouldn't simply have to go without and be miserable for the rest of my life. We do love each other and legitimately want each other to be happy.
So we talked.. and talked... and talked...
... and talked.
I figured the most important thing, starting out, was to take it slow. That was the promise and that's what we are doing. Taking it really slow. Thank goodness for that, too. As you know, this isn't easy. Especially in the beginning. I've been incredibly fortunate to find this place and meet some other poly people elsewhere who have been supportive and given some incredible insight and advice. We've researched and read books. I don't remember which one of you it was, but I saw "Opening Up" recomended. That was a huge help. Others too, and not just poly/open marriage books. Just plain books about marriage too. If there is one thing I've learned, it's that an open marriage is still a marriage, and in order for it to work the marriage has to be solid to begin with.
Months of talking and we finally have the ground rules established. I've been out with others a few times now, but we're taking things slow. I'm pretty much only doing lunch dates so far because it doesn't affect MrsX's schedule. I mean, I'm not going out and leaving her alone at home with the kids yet. I want to get used to the idea of going out with somoene else and let her see things are still fine afterward. The sky is not falling. I'm encouraging her to go out as well. Even though she isn't interested in getting physical with anyone (and yes, I tell her she is free to if she wants) I keep nudging her to just go out with our friends and get away from the kids for a while. We have two little girls (4 and 6) and they are quite a handful. I keep telling MrsX that going out with others doesn't necessarily mean she has to sleep with them. Even if she just hangs out at a friends house watching TV for a couple hours, the decompression time will be good for her.
So that's where we are. It's pretty casual. I see my outside friends for lunch, and even though there hasn't been much in the way of physical interaction yet, I've been more relaxed, patient and less needy at home with MrsX. She says it's nice to not feel so pressured at home sexually. She asks about my outside friends and always wants to know if I've had a good time.
She's an amazing person.
Yeah. MrsX is a truly amazing person. The best part about this whole roller coaster ride we are on is how much closer we've become. How insane is that? How crazy is it that opening up has actually made us closer and me MORE attracted to her. I tell her all the time how sexy and wonderful she is (and yes, she is very sexy) and she tells me how much nicer I've been.
So that's my long winded introduction and thank you. You've probably already notice that I overuse commmas, so I apologize in advance for that. But if you can live with a few too many commas than are necessary, and possibly the occasional typo or two, I look forward to hearing from you and 'meeting' you on this board.
Most importantly, Thank you.