Originally Posted by Breathesgirl
I like to know what's going on with Breathes' other loves.... I like to share. It helps me to face any fears or insecurities I may have & it lets him know I care enough to share things with him in the first place.
That's how I feel. Knowing more makes me feel closer to my partner. Some things may make me feel slightly inadequate, but I'd still prefer to know. Then, I'm able to meditate on why I feel inadequate and dissect my emotions. I can then tell myself that I should not worry about whatever is bothering me because of "x". I can then go through a step by step process that is more likely to lead me to feeling compersion, and also more thankful for the strengths that she is attracted to in me.
One day after posting this thread I asked her to tell me more about her other boyfriend. I posed two open ended questions.
1. What things do you find attractive about him?
2. What are the highlights of having sex with him?
In order to respect him, I suggested that she only compliment him, and keep the less complimentary opinions to herself. I greatly benefited from the discussion. I feel much more comfortable and secure now. I feel that it built intimacy between us.
I do like what redpepper mentioned about discussing TMI boundaries. I know that I'm comfortable with her telling her other lovers 90% of the things about me. I also feel better knowing more about her other lovers. I feel that she is less open than I am, but still shares some things to a small extent.