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Old 10-23-2010, 07:31 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Sigh, wishing I were at lovemore in seattle. I'm so sick of not having the money to do simple things that bring me joy.... It drives me crazy some days. The thing is that on the outside I appear to have as much as other people in my life when it comes to house, car, money to buy good food and some other small items, but that is where the outside look ends... truth is that we have nothing more to spend on renos (we have had an unfinished bathroom for going on six years now), travel, activities, clothing that isn't from a thrift store and on courses, workshops and going out to dinner and movies.

We (PN and I) make MUCH less than a lot of the people that we spend time with and it really makes me jealous sometimes. It makes me consider what choices I have made for a career. I chose a career that gives me next to no appreciation, no recognition, no money and no value (at least with this government). It's a "heart" job as they call it. I give A LOT and still am asked to give more! I am asked to donate money to different organizations that help in servicing people with special needs, I am asked to use my vehicle to drive them around because the mileage they give us doesn't even cover gas and we have to look like we DO something with our clients, so I spend my money on gas and up keep, I am asked to work over time for no extra money and asked to put up with the shit we get from our director, social workers and caregivers who see us as the bottom of the ladder, even if it is us that spend most of our clients waking hours with. We should know them more than anyone no?

Oh its been a week from hell. I can't even tell you. It's about to get worse before it gets better and I am really thinking that I need to get out. What am I doing wasting my time and energy on an organization that thinks I'm a pawn for their plans? sigh, what to do next... and what of my clients? They are the ones I stay for. They are the dears that I love so much. They are thriving because of me and now that they are they are forced to continue on with less services and less support.

Okay, end of vent.

Mono had a great birthday tonight. If I don't say so myself

Thai food out with my parents who are really coming around to the fact that we are just as in need of them in our lives as we always have been and that Mono is a good addition to our family. Then back for chocolate halloween cake with orange pumpkin, white ghost, and black bat sprinkles on top... a couple of Canada maple leafs too?! don't know what happened there. Someone mixed the sprinkles up I think! We had tiger ice cream as well.

We all gave him a carving kit to do hand carvings with... and a canvas roll to put them in. I am hoping that the extra room down stairs can be made into a room for him to carve in and to do crafty, artsy things in. Something to do when we go camping too! I'm very excited for him

Mono has been progressing on the suite. One more coat of paint on one bathroom wall and it's done. Next is a light and the sink and tap is in now too. The floor that got wrecked in the flood is coming up next I believe... he can answer that question really.

I went over my burlesque routine 6 times in my head today and acted it out once. I am very pleased with my progress and have a date to go through it with a more established artist on Monday night. The event is posted and tickets are on sale.... 8 artists at a gay bar in town... three of us new. should be interesting and fun. I hope.

We had a great poly meet last night. I sat and talked to a guy for a long time that I found very interesting and we have planned to go out for a drink some time. He has had a very interesting life and I am really looking forward to finding out more about him. He couldn't believe that Mono was okay with my talking to him ha, he's new to poly... it takes awhile to realize that their is no ownership and that there is no competition most of the time in poly... he hadn't realized this and found it very refreshing and relaxing to be with our group. I'm glad to of helped make our group so welcoming.

I went to a meeting today to be a human book at the university library next week. It was so interesting to here other peoples stories and what kind of "book" they are. We will be made available for two days where anyone can sign us out and talk to us for awhile on the topic of our lives. I chose to convey my experiences with poly, BDSM and my sexuality. the other stories were; surviving hurricane Katrina, moving from California to escape the same sex marriage debate, Chinese culture in Canada as seen by a newly immigrated Chinese man, ageism on campus and several other really interesting people... I'm so excited to take them out myself and ask questions and get to know their experiences.
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