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Old 10-23-2010, 06:28 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,693

I have two male loves that live with me and one female secondary and two other male secondaries and I thought that was crazy. One more would be just insanity. I simply wouldn't do it truth be told. It just wouldn't be sustainable for me.

I have been at this a long time and this is the most loves I have had and after at least a year of trying to maintain some semblance of sanity, it is just not going to happen anytime soon and I have had to drastically make decisions about just how many people I can invest and have a connection with at the same time. I have had to lesson my time with my two male secondaries as a result. We all agreed to this, but it has been hard and one has gone my the way side for the moment to make some changes to his life.

I think that what is really sustainable is a primary and one secondary and that is it. Or two primaries... depends on your definition and belief about the primary/secondary thing really. One has to remember that your number one primary is yourself and its just not possible to have enough of that with more than two I think.

So, now what, I don't want to "get rid" of people. I love them each in their own way, i just try and make it work and have drastically adjusted my life to the point where I don't do hardly anything but have dates with people. It's hard when those who don't know ask me what I have doing and why I am not painting and singing and running and volunteering and sewing and gardening...all the things I used to do... I don't have anything to say. I have no information to give.

Now that I have my own room and Mono has moved in or is just about moved in... end of the week, and I am purposely scheduling "me" time to do things I enjoy, things are working, but it is at the detriment of my relationships. The depth has potential to fade and the connection and perhaps even the point eventually. So be it, but it makes me sad that that might happen. I don't want it to, but the reality is that five is just too much for me the way I have been going.

good luck I have to say, and don't take this the wrong way, but at this point in the game for me, that sounds like a nightmare.
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