Originally Posted by redpepper
I think this is highly hypocritical. What is good for her, should be just as good for you if it should come along for you. I agree, to attempt something without your blessing would be, could be disastrous, but I really think she needs to look at her hypocrisy with this one. It's a bit on the polygamy/polyandry side of things and if that is what YOU agree to for ever and ever amen then that is fine, but obviously it is a concern or you wouldn't be here wondering about it.
I do understand what she feels however....... I had to remind myself that I am NOT in control of his life, I DO NOT have a right to tell him what will happen just because I had an experience and he hasn't asked and I need to be a comforting and caring home for him to come home to... one that accepts him for all the mess ups I thought he might make.....
my experience with PN is how much going out and exploring other people that took his fancy HELPED him on the work he needed to do on himself. He became less reliant on me for sure... but he did struggle with the juggle. I was right about that one!
I don't disagree that it is hypocritical.
How my actions would make her feel though... how does she control that? I had this talk with a childhood friend, mutual to B and I, earlier this evening. She, like just about everyone that we are "out" to have expressed the same concern that you have, that B has placed me in a position that is unfair.
I agreed to remain monogamous because I felt no need for anyone else, at the time. I'm still uncertain that I need an emotional (romantic?) connection outside of B. I know for certain that I need to find new or re-kindle platonic relationships. But these needs were not apparent at the time. Honestly, they were not apparent until very, very recently.
She is very possesive of her men. She recognizes this as a fault, has stated so, and has expessed a desire to learn to lessen her jealousy. Would my pursuit of another expedite her growth toward that goal? Perhaps. Is exploring what a relationship outside our marriage might hold for me important enough to me to push her boundaries? Not yet. I do not think she is ready.