Originally Posted by Fidelia
This is a huge red flag. How did he think the three of you were going to form polyamorous relationships without your husband being in the loop? Are you sure your #2 isn't just looking for a clandestine affair?
There was a big red flag for me there too. It sounds like he was thinking that you might want to have an affair and now thinks you fucked up the chance of being together at all. I don't know what he thought poly was,... just loving two people? that's it? It isn't, it comes with a foundation of integrity, honesty, respect and communication... all of which you have done very well at.
It's really too bad he is up set with you, but that is HIS thing, not yours... it sounds like you made him think beyond the norm and that is a GOOD thing I think. good for you.
Ya, I say give them some time and see what happens, just sit in the pride you should have on this one, you have done well by them, and yourself, hopefully they will both come around to realizing that and decide to trust you and move forward. Really you have created a winning situation it seems to me in that you will see what guy #2 is made of and will create more connection with guy #1 and can move forward having opened up your feelings... if guy #2 is unresponsive from now on, its no loss really. You know will know his intentions weren't honorable and can move on to someones who are.