Not sure where to go from here
I am very new to all of this and feel like I have made a huge mess of things and I'm not sure what to do next.
I am 39, married to a great guy for the past 20 years. We have tried swinging and have had some great experiences with other couples we have known for years. I have enjoyed this due to the fact that there was no jealousy involved and everyone had a great time.
Fast forward to now. I ran into an old mutual friend 2 months ago and have been talking and texting with him on a regular basis since then. I asked him how he felt about a polyamours relationship if I talked to my husband about it and he was all for it. We have not had sex as I just couldn't do that to my husband, but this person and I have really fallen for each other.
My husband found out about the texting and talking and we have had a few very stressful weeks which have included me not having any contact with my friend. Yesterday I told my husband I still have very strong feelings for this man and want to have him in our lives. I told him it is not a matter of him not making my happy, but that each of them make my happy in different ways and fulfill different needs for me. I very much want both of them in my life.
I told the other man that I had talked to my husband had told him who he was, I felt my husband deserves that. He flipped out that I had told my husband and I told him if I am going to ask my husband to open his mind and his heart he gets full disclosure and honesty.
Now I am feeling stuck since I'm not sure where I stand with either man. My husband is thinking things over and I'm okay with that since I don't want to move things any faster than he is ready for. The other guy is not talking to me at the moment and I just feel like I have completely screwed everything up.
Sorry this is so long and thanks for taking the time to read. I am open to all comments, suggestions, good or bad.