Originally Posted by redpepper
.....You don't need to ask "permission" to do anything in a relationship really, but it would come across as untrusting to expect her to ask for permission to do things, so why would you need permission. It would seem to me that you are handing over your power if you were my husband and that would make me feel very uncomfortable. I would prefer that you discuss with me the boundaries around your venturing out to have another relationship rather than ask if its okay to.
Definitions of who you are are not really the issue here I don't think. Just do what your heart says is the right move and then check in with your partner to make sure her heart will be okay if you move forward...
B and I are very new to this, compared to the length of our relationship prior to allowing others in, so she and I had agreed that she would ask prior to pursuing anyone. In reflecting, it seems silly because one's heart never asks permission to feel attached to someone, but hay was laid down early. It may be worth renegotiating, bit for the time it stands.
She is far more possessive than I, and had agreed early that I would remain monogamous. This point has been revisited by me a few times, and the result has always been.... Hurt. She knows she is overly possessive, and has said it is something she wants to change but that has been more in reference to her others than to me.
So as things are, if I were to pursue a relationship with another, I think B would be devastated. To attempt to do so without her blessing would be tragic for our relationship, and I am confident that at this point if I asked to pursue someone, it would be a disaster.
The principle of the matter is important, yet in practice I feel the point is currently moot, as I am trying to learn to be less reliant on her for my happiness, and the last thong o need is another heart to juggle.
Need some time to work on me first. The rest can wait.