Originally Posted by QuestioningMono
?? What about when your Poly SO tells you something or shares something with you that is taken "special" then to turn around and find out he's shared the same thing with .... his girl... whatever you want to call it.
Same sayings, a song that fits you to a "T" and find out/hear him call her the same thing ... see an IM saying that the particular song "took her breath away"
I was crushed... NOTHING is special... doesn't feel special... Doesn't matter how nice the other person is... makes me feel like second hand... and I'm almost to the point I don't believe anything he or she says anymore.
My husband is a guy who tends to automatically take responsibility for solving problems others deal with. I'd never had a partner like this before him because I too have a similar personality only it wears on me after a while and I become bossy.
When he began to see someone else, I noticed he was doing the same for her in smaller ways and it initially ruffled my feathers a bit. Having never had a partner who is this way made me feel like he did this for me because I was special to him. So I did have a few moments of "Am I still special?"
In talking to him about it, I learned things he values about me that we may have never even discussed if we'd remain monogamous. He likes that I'm pragmatic, a true consort, and that I don't see the way he is as just being due to him being male. I appreciate his efforts and show him my appreciation where as other women he has know take that for granted. It motivates him to become a better person.
Because of our dynamic, the other people we see get to be appreciated for what they offer and who they are more. If we didn't have these elements to our association in place; things we've come to realize are intrinsic to our over all happiness, the other people we see would be scrutinized eventually for not having these traits and made to feel like they were lacking in our eyes. In other words, being who he is helps me be able to enjoy the man I see without trying to change him into everything I need all wrapped up in one person.