hello and thank you both for the responses
i am extremely lucky as i do have a Master who encourages good communication. He says part of me feeling the way i do is because of abuse as a child i have very much a childs trust in my Master and the last healthy male i had as a child i was 5 years old so my reactions are very much along that age group which is why He is starting to prepare me now.
It is so hard having that childlike faith and trust but that is also the age it was ripped from me so my mind distrusts in some ways. We were talking today about how the longewst road is from the mind to the heart. My mind tells me Master will not leave or desert me unfortunately the heart says something else.