Things with John and I are going well, as usual the issue lies with my relationship with Bob.
My Grandmother and Mother have been visiting with Bob for over a week now, which has led to Bob calling me on the phone to update me on how things are going. I do have caller ID so I know it is him calling. Problem is sometimes my Mom will call from his number so I do have to answer the phone in case it is her or in case it is an emergency of some kind. This would be okay if he was just updating me on the situation with my family, however heís been using that as an excuse to talk to me about our relationship, and bring up things I am not ready to discuss.
This past weekend, he called the first time and asked about where to take my family for things to do because I knew their interests better, so I looked at the tourism website and gave him a list. Then he asked how I was doing, I gave him an answer and then he told me it wasnít what he meant. He was meaning how I was getting along in sorting through everything. Well this led into a conversation I didnít want to have yet and wasnít ready for. He asked if I still loved him, which I told him I did, it just wasnít easy to express in any way at the moment due to circumstances. He then started asking other questions, mostly ones I donít think he expected an answer for. At the end of that conversation he hung up on the edge of tears and almost had me to tears as well from the sound of his pain.
Later that day he called back, my Dad answered and I declined to answer, Dad told him I was resting and that I would call him back, which I chose not to do. The next day he called again, I was in the bathroom the first time and had just gotten home from work, so Dad answered and told him I wasnít home yet, that Iíd call when I got in. Later he called again, Dad was not home and I just simply didnít answer the phone. Again the next day he called, and again I didnít answer the phone. I was playing my MMO for most of the day and closer to dinner time I got a message from someone in the game asking me to log into instant messaging for a bit. I guessed correctly that that person had been delivering a message from Bob. At this point I was starting to feel like he was harassing me. I didnít really have time left to log into my im program anyways before I had to rush off to work.
Let me make this clear, at present I have no issues communicating with Bob, as long as it is not over the phone and as long as the relationship issue is not brought up until I am ready to talk about it, at which time, I will be the one bringing it up. The only issue I have with communicating with him is that he has not been able to keep his word thus far to not talk about it, so I have been avoiding him on imís lately as a result, and not answering the phone. I am reluctant to bring it up until after my family gets home from their visit with him. My Dad will be joining my mother and grandmother towards the end of this week and they wonít all be returning until month end.
Anyways, I get home from work that night to find an email waiting for me, no hello, no closing off the letter with his name, just one short line, the subject ďI get the hintĒ. He said he understood I didnít want to talk to him and heíd leave me alone. With such a short email, and a very open ended one which could mean any number of things I wrote him back an email of several paragraphs spelling things out in a rather harsh way (being soft till now hadnít worked) as to what I needed from him right now and why, explaining to him I felt he was pushing me away, that I felt like he was harassing me using the pretence of telling me about my familyís status as an excuse to talk to me on the phone. I begged him to give me the time I needed to heal and for him to look after himself in the meantime. It came across hard, but I didnít know how to be any clearer at this point.
He sent me back an email the next day saying heíd understood and that it took my ignoring him for him to understand what heíd been doing, that heíd been pushing the boundaries. He said heíd let me heal and not discuss things till I was ready to do so and try and focus on what was going on with him and worry less about me. So far heís kept to that, but it has only been a few days, weíll see how long that lasts. He has sent me an email since but it was only to update me on my family and he didnít mention the relationship at all.
So thatís been whatís been going on lately, it is difficult, and I donít expect things to get any easier. This coming weekend will be a tough one for me, as it is when Bob and I were supposed to be getting married, so I am hoping I can get through it alright.