Originally Posted by Lemondrop
A downside to my weekend was that I continue to feel like I don't fit in this dynamic--Asha and Easy are so alike, and it usually feels like Sunday works hard not to have anything in common with me. Sunday and Asha belong together, I know, but sometimes I feel like Easy and Asha belong together, too. I also keep having dreams that no one wants me in the group. I don't feel like a part of the whole. I don't exactly know what to do about it or how to fix it.
I tried to flirt with Sunday a bit, only to be pushed away. I don't even know if he knows he's doing it. But I did have a few minutes of wondering why I even tried. I mean, I spent so many years of my marriage to Easy being pushed away. Putting up with it for so long damaged my self-esteem and made me want to walk out on the marriage. Why am I signing up for more of the same? I need to stop hitting my head on the brick wall, but I don't seem to be able to stop myself. Maybe I'm doing it because giving up on Sunday feels like giving up on the large family. Maybe I just desperately want to believe him when he tells me he loves me.
God-some days I SO FUCKING UNDERSTAND THIS!
WHY hit my head on the SAME DAMN BRICK WALL when it only seems to get harder with each hit (maybe my head is getting softer)?
I have no helpful answer-but I sympathise and offer hugs.
I am having some similar emotions and it's so disappointing!