Originally Posted by whimsey
I am so far from strong these days....I used to be, I felt really good about who I was as a person. But the cheating and the lying and everything that went with it really, really eroded a lot of that and I am far more fragile than I've ever been in my life. And I am working on getting strong, I am...I don't like this version of me...but it's hard, because it really is just me making myself strong again, and that's lonely and its hard because it wasn't me who knocked my foundations...I feel like I need and deserve help rebuilding that. And just when I was starting to really get stronger about the past cheating and about myself...and just when I was opening up to a whole lot of sexual stuff and personal stuff...awakening, really...just when it felt like we were re-connecting...that's when all this happened...I wasn't strong and I got knocked right back down.
I'm trying not to respond, because I'm really angry about this. You have a right to your feelings. You *do* deserve his support, his loyalty, his devotion, his help rebuilding the relationship.
Easy and I were in this place a little over a year ago, not through cheating but through simply taking me for granted for years and years. I was hurt, and broken, and knew that I was strong enough to make it without him, and I felt that I was being weak allowing his poor treatment of me. I was ready to walk, and the only way that Easy was able to convince me to stay was to go that extra mile. He had to agree to (finally!) put me first, to show his love and devotion by not allowing other things or people to come before me, because otherwise I could just take care of myself and not be made miserable by his actions! If he had not kept his agreement with me, like your husband did to you, so that he could take care of someone else--I mean, come on, he could have at least sent you a text saying, "I love you, can't call right now, give me an hour (or get some sleep, call you in the morning)"--if he had not shown me that I was his FIRST PRIORITY then I would have felt better off without him.
Mr. Mess, I hope to all that you hold holy that you understand what a precious gift your wife has given you. If it were me, I'd be out finding a boyfriend so that you could feel what you have done to her. Petty as that is.