Talks with Sunday are incredibly difficult. Before we became a quad, it was easier, but now it's more like he's trying to run away. I have no idea what to do. Our talks usually start out with me saying something like, I need to talk to you about X. He says okay. I talk and talk and talk. He says something like, no that's not what I intended or I'll try to do that. I walk away not really knowing what he wanted and feeling like he'd say anything to shut me up.
We both communicate better via e-mail, but getting him to reply to an e-mail is like pulling teeth, since we became a quad. I miss the days when I could actually talk to him.
Here's the thing with physical intimacy--he's terrified that someone will see him, so very little affection happens where we can be seen. Being private doesn't happen all that often, and usually it feels like he's trying *not* to be alone with me. Asha says that's normal for him. She must be much, much stronger than I am.
I'm trying very, very hard to trust what he says rather than what I'm seeing. It's not an easy thing for me, and I'm waaaaay past my comfort zone. I do keep pushing that limit, though--today is just a down day for me, I guess, and it feels harder. I hadn't realized how down I was. I think it's because I keep dreaming that no one wants me and it's wearing on me.