Thread: I am sad
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Old 10-18-2010, 12:29 PM
Livingmybestlife Livingmybestlife is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Sage,

My husband doesn't really know what is going on, inside me. I have been sick for a week, and lost my voice. All he knows is that A went back to his wife. My husband doesn't really know that I am hurt and sad. I asked him to read something that I wrote and he chose not to.

My BFF knows I am poly and the situation with A and she doesn't know at all.
We texted for 1 min, about my husband coming over to help her husband with something and her phone died.

My husband was wrapped up in his own stuff this weekend. Hoping these new antibodtics clear things up, I have a few things to say. To both him and A.

With A, I need to understand what he envisions the friendship being. I need to know if what he wants is for me to support him and the only one he, totally honest with his feelings about his marriage with. I have long told him, he wasn't fair with her not telling her from the beginning of their relationship how he felt. That he says, it was a mistake to marry, and let himself be pressured into engagement and felt he couldnt get out of it.

He is a conflict avoider. I have encouraged him to express his honest feelings. I think he expects me to maintain a role of support for his inner self. I am not sure I can be that person for him. As much as I want him to be happy, I do hurt. He can't be their to comfort me without feeling horrible guilt. He is already in a bad place.

Honestly, I don't believe my husband can comfort me in this either. For me it is about talking to my BFF and my other friend who knows. Getting some of my feelings out about it. My husband doesn't want to know the dept of my feelings for A and I understand that. That doesn't mean he didn't pat my hand the other night. I don't want to give him germs, with a fever and such. He gave this to me and I don't know if he can catch it again.

Honestly, I think it is confusing as my first poly relationship ended with a huge feeling of relief. I was loved S, but not with a huge dept. With A it is very very different, we have such a deep connection.

I am truly just lost in how to handle all this. I want to be friends, and support him. How do I do that when I have such hurt? I know the reasons aren't about our feelings, but about circumstances.