I'm exhausted so I hope this makes sense. I wanted to touch on the contact while he's away.
For me, I need to know I can call whenever I need to. Cricket and I try not to interupt eachothers time with Karma, but there is no off limits to calls, as long as we're respectful. If we know they are on a romantic date, we wait. If they are just watching movies at home, no big deal.
Their overnights have been here, so that hasn't been an issue yet. But I have strict rules that when he does stay there, I can call if I need to, and I get a goodnight phone call.
That's my husband. If I don't get to curl up and go to sleep with him, I at least want to hear "goodnight, I love you". And he usualy does the same for her.
I guess it depends on the dynamics of the relationship, but I could never go long periods of time with no contact, and I doubt Cricket could either.
Ususaly when he goes out with her we have a "call me around this time" set up. He calls and just checks in. A lot of that is because of my medical problems, but it's peace of mind too.
As for standing your ground, you need to respect his space and his needs, but he needs to do the same with you. I second the going at the slowest persons pace. It's what got us through. Karma and Cricket were very accomodating to my needs. And very understanding that whatI was okay with one day, I may not be the next. That caused some fights, but we worked through it because we all want this to work. So it means we all have to work together.
I do think you'll have to make some compromises, but right now, he needs to be showing you that he's willing to gain back your trust. It'll make things easier on him in the long run, as he won't be met with as much opposition. Work now, reap the benefits later.