Hi whimsey, your husband is an accomplished Cheater. It will take him awhile to understand fully what you are feeling and how it effects you. You have absolutely no reason to not blow up. He will get to experience how his actions affect you. Hopefully he will realize where his priorities lye. He is used to leaving the woman he has just fucked and coming home to your smiling face, not an irate deeply hurt one. I can imagine the shocking change for him. That absolutely in no way means you should not be anything but yourself, emotions and all.
Am I to understand that he did the thing you disliked and were concerned about the most? Which is holding her, consoling her and taking care of her needs? Did they have sex? I can imagine that it might be easy for him to lie about that part, but I really hope he isn't.
I hope he is reading all this. As someone who has cheated in the past I have some empathy for him and you. Its a difficult adjustment to poly. Cheating, on its surface is so much easier. At least at the beginning anyways. All NRE and nothing else. After a time with one person it seems to fall flat when its discovered that there is no way to move forward with out people knowing, then it gets stale. I really hope that he knows that all this hard work at being an up-standing husband who is attentive to your needs first as his primary is necessary. He will experience a world of pain himself, that is part of it. Unfortunately he has chosen a path that is more difficult than being honest from the beginning. He will have to do a lot of sucking up his own wants now to get on track. If he does, the journey isn't as long or disasterous. The sooner he realises that he had his fun and now its time to work, the better. I'm not sure, but it sounds like his having to now deal with two womens emotions and a new metamour in her husband was maybe premature to the marginally more comfortable path he could of taken of no new women until you and he were completely connected again. Dropping this new woman would of been much more easy I would think. Hard at first, but a delay for as long as it takes would of been easier I would think. Now he could very well of connected with her more deeply and it could very well be more difficult on all of you.
Again Mr. whimsey (I forget your name, sorry), take it from a seasoned veteran, go at the pace of your wife. She needs a slower pace and if you want to keep her on your side with this, you should do as she asks I think. As painfully hard as that is when you are swooning over another. Now is the time to realize that Christmas is over for you and its time to do some work. I know you don't know me from Adam, and likely couldn't give a shit what I say but look into your heart and figure out what is most respectful to those in your life. Keep in the moment with THAT rather than who you are with and you may just find a rock to hold on to.
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