Originally Posted by RainbowDreamscape
Is there a book I can give my husband? If he goes for it should we have a written contract of the terms we agree to? Should he meet the guys in a coffee/dinner situation before so he can give blessings? I want it all out in the open otherwise it would feel like cheating. If the shoe were on the other foot & he decided to become poly, I wouldn't want him going off with another girl without me knowing & having met her first.
Two books cover the spectrum of being non-monogamous. Ethical Slut is an easy read and has some workshops to help you understand and deal with various problems (its more about non-mongamy than anything specific to poly). Opening Up is a very polyscentric book and is quite good as well. I think both books are important.
Contracts, rules etc are all things that you need to judge on your own. Not everyone has hard rules. But most do start out with them. In regards to rules make sure you have the ability to renegotiate. One thing to keep in mind, the problem with rules and emotions is something rules get broken. Even the most logical and reasonable rules can be broken by accident.
As for knowing and meeting. That's also up to you guys. I introduce my wife to potential girls, however I don't do this right away. There is a cursory dating stage to getting to know someone. Meeting the wife might be excess pressure. We also don't tend to be jealous over each other, so I do have a lot of freedom to go out and "date" girls without her being over my shoulder. I would have a very difficult time, when I am actually looking, meeting people if I didn't have some freedom to socialize.