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Old 10-16-2010, 10:35 AM
whimsey whimsey is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Coastal BC
Posts: 19
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That spiraling?

Going a little (lot) out of control.

No word well past when I was told I'd hear from him...
Then a terse, completely vague text saying he's running late.

In my private blog I said if I hadn't heard from him by 3:30 I was going to bed - I have a boyo here who needs a mom who's had SOME sleep...and given that I managed 3 hours last night and the night before and only 1 hour the night before that...sleep is very important.

But calling it a night means emailing or texting, either of which makes a noise on his phone, and I was avoiding that out of respect, not wanting him to feel pressured. Because while I want to pressure, if this is about trust, I need to trust.

That's really hard right now.

And I have no idea if I should wait up now or not. Because I have to presume he's still with her...if he weren't he could call or text as he walked or caught a cab back to his hotel.

Maybe I'm jumping to horrid conclusions.

I'm upset, because this is me extending all my trust and faith in the face of severe betrayal yet again. With only 3 weeks of knowing about her at all, and 5 weeks of being told it was poly or nothing for him (though he backed down on that a bit).

So shattered, and already broken and burnt by past experiences...it would seem to me that I should be treated with a bit of care.

I asked him, when we were talking poly, and talking relationships, before I knew about her...I said that what I needed was to be treated with at least the same level of consideration and respect and care that any woman he became involved with would be treated.

And that was a light bulb moment for him, because he hadn't thought of things in that light, and realized that in the past (and currently, though I didn't know about his GF), he wasn't treating me nearly as well, let alone the same as, any of his other women. There's something about me, and he and I, and our dynamic,that makes it harder for him to see my needs. And its not me not expressing them, because I DO. And I think its fair to say that its not because he isn't treated with respect, consideration and care... I'm okay if he weighs in on that, because I think it's pretty fair and accurate.

Anyways....maybe its an emergency, maybe something else.

All I know is she resisted the 'curfew' and cutting things off and going their own ways for a few hours tonight. And that the end time, as I was informed by him, was 2:00 - 2:30, with a little wiggle room. So 3:05...makes me wonder.

Anyways...
I started out relatively positive and very calm and organized...
and now the negativity is showing, and it is becoming a bit of a rant/pity party.

At least I *know* I'll snap out of it by tomorrow at the latest, because I don't do grudges.

grrrrrr...
and *sob*
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