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Old 10-16-2010, 09:40 AM
whimsey whimsey is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Coastal BC
Posts: 19
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Thanks Sage and LMBL

As the night progresses, I'm beginning to spiral.

I'm glad I lasted as long as I did. I think I was expecting a short text or call informing me of the direction of things, since it was so completely up in the air, literally all or nothing.

And I presume he's lost himself in her and I have to accept that...I was quite confident that would be the case, but it's ripping me apart right now...mostly not being informed. And maybe that's an unfair expectation...last I heard, over 4 hours ago, was they were going for drinks, and last call was half an hour ago...so I think there would have been room in there for a short text.

I need to quit hoping for information...this is nothing new, he routinely loses himself in whatever his focus is.

But I'm still struggling, because last I heard, last night, he'd call me, and so I'm waiting up.
And maybe I should've said not to. I can't go to bed right now, because if I'm not around when he wants to call, he'll be worried.

Arg.

Thanks for saying I'm handling it well, and showing courage...
I had to grow a LOT after the affairs, because he didn't break the main one off for months...I lived like this for a long time.
And he'd moved down the street, though we still had meals together in the evenings. I had to learn to live as a single person, a single mom, because DS stays here...and that gave me strength and a knowledge that even if it's hard, I can at least rely on myself, and take care of myself.

Tonight I don't want to, though.
I want to not be alone, I want to lean on someone.
Mostly, I want a long, deep hug.
I am incredibly tactile. I want to be held and I want a hug.

I'll keep breathing, and keep busy.
I'm planning my next 2 tattoos...and I'm going to get them soon.
I was going to get them after the affairs...and then didn't.

LMBL - when you said breathe, you called it...that's one tattoo
the other is serenity.
And I need those reminders.
Wrote them on myself with a sharpie, actually

I'll be okay.
I know I will.
I just would like to not being living in my imagination...

Thanks ladies, for listening and letting me rant a wee bit and mostly for offering such lovely support.
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