Hung out with O today, it always feels easier when I'm with him. I get all giddy and twitter-pated. I'm trying to remember that even though he's had to put in some boundaries, he still really cares and wants me around. Sometimes I wonder why he bothers trying to maintain our relationship. His life could be simpler if he didn't have to worry about me. Then again, I have a hard time fully trusting anyone when they say they really care, so that's more my issue. With this I can have a hard time because we're not out to any one we hang out with on a regular basis and so it's like the part time lover, full time friend. We can't treat each other like we're dating because we're keeping things under wraps and I can have a hard time with that. I just get so excited and bubbly and want to share and express how I feel about him in front of people. It was so hard at the beginning because it was my first real relationship and not being able to share that with most of my friends was like containing a nuclear blast. I was positively oozing NRE from every pore. It's calmed down a bit.
I'm still nursing my wounds from his decision to cool things off on the physical end but I read something here that gave me a bit of a smile, something about sexual gratification being easy to find but true emotional connection being more valuable and rare. I think that's why I feel so unwilling to walk away. Ever since we first became friends, we just connected in a way that was special for me. And whether or not we end up making a romance work, I know we both hope to remain important in each other's lives.