I think that if this is bothering you then you need to be more persistent in pursuing a conversation. It wouldn't be okay with me that he tell you he doesn't want to discuss emotions with you. As fas as I am concerned, in my relationships, you are fucking my partner, you are going to have to talk to me. I wouldn't exactly say it like that, but really, I probably wouldn't back down until we find a way to make that happen. He is your metamour and you have a crush on him. I think he is going to have to deal if he wants his relationship to continue to run smoothly with your partner. It sounds like he is used to casual sex and not connected, bonded, emotional relationships with more than one person. Well, guess what, they are different. He gets to be involved with not just her, but everything in her life. That is how connected relationships work. If he doesn't like it then he will have to remain casual with her to be relieved of that responsibility.
What does she say? Is she advocating for you and he to be around each other and spend friendly time together? Work on your relationships? Read on this forum... you will see that most healthy poly relationships mean healthy metamour relationships. I would highly suggest that he get on board with that... her too.
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