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Old 10-15-2010, 04:56 AM
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pyxiegrl pyxiegrl is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
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I totally had this long reply written out... and my computer fritzed.

Anywho here I go again.

As far as giving him attention, yes a lot of my time goes to taking care of the child and the house, as he thinks is all my job since I'm a SAHM. A lot of the lack of attention also came from when I was sick and couldn't have sex, I couldn't even masturbate (sorry if TMI). It was a really bad time. I'll admit I would get frustrated when he would masturbate, not because he was but because I couldn't. He took it the wrong way though. We are working on that. That part is at least better. Though he is incredibly needy.

As far as wanting a poly relationship, I'm more on the curious side rather than the tolerating side. I'll admit I'm scared but I know a lot of that comes from my insecurities. We have a handful of friends that follow this lifestyle as well as some that are swingers so it's not totally foreign to us. I toss around the idea of what would be ok with me. I've never done this, I need to feel comfortable and that's something my husband doesn't always except. He wants what he wants. I am fairly dominent but my husband doesn't swing that way. It's not something I NEED but something I enjoy. I have other outlets. I thought of mentioning of finding a sub for us, where, yes our relationship would be based more on sex but that we could have an outside friendship also. Though the whole STD thing scare the hell out of me. Is it fair to ask this person to be faithful when we only have her once or twice a week. I don't know how that works. Plus, people lie. (sorry I am jaded in this aspect). This is why a couple seemed appealing to me. Someone to spend their dates night with and visa versa but we still had our own family dynamic. I don't know if maybe I'm looking at this all wrong.

I will also say that everytime we have this conversation my husbands mind changes on what he wants. I don't think he understood the true meaning when we first talked about it. He wanted a play toy for us/him. I did research, we talked again. I told him what I had learned and told him I would think more of couples. Didn't talk about it for awhile. The whole thing with our friend happened. (Which I want to again mention, it was a total friendship never anything sexual). We fought and he started doing research too. Decided that the friendship we had was a polyrelationship without the sex. The fantasy started, with out any thought of what the reprocution to me would be. In his head it is perfect. She can't have kids anymore, we would be perfect. Though not know the person she really was. Slept around even when she was in relationships, needy, jealous, still a child, can't even take care of her own kids. He now continues to call it a love triangle. Though this other person doesn't have nor never did have any feeling for him. I tried to get him to talk to her but he refuses. I'm pretty sure that he woun't because it will ruin his fantasy. I'm not even sure if I want to have these conversations anymore. I'm not sure if its worth it.
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