View Single Post
Old 10-14-2010, 11:20 PM
pyxiegrl's Avatar
pyxiegrl pyxiegrl is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 12
Default Just thoughts from the experts

So some background this will probably be too long but I talk a lot

When my husband and I first started dating he told me that he was interested in a polyamory lifestyle and that he was bi. I may posted something about this before but..... here I am again. I had always told him that he was more than welcomed to have a boyfriend but as far as another girl I wasn't sure about but would think about it. I perfer men but have played around with girls but its always here and there. As time went on it never really became an issue, we talked about it here and there but were still learning about eachother and were having fun. We have some loose boundaries for being a monogamous couple, kissing flirting when we would go out to the clubs. We always went home with eachother, just the two of us. We were happy.

Fast foward we deicided to have kids. I became very sick after the pregnancy to the point where sex hurt immensly. In tears pain. To go from a very sexual and open person to that is was awful. My husband began pulling away due to the rejection. I finally started to get better but our relationship was rocky. We were both sexually frustrated and on more than one occaion I had told him to go find some girl to screw. He never did because I wasn't comfortable with it.

As i started to get we talked about opening up our relationship again but I still felt that I wasn't comfortable with it because our relationship wasn't good. I also told him that having another couple that was married seemed easiest for me to move into this since they would understand the family dynamic and relatioship we had. He was ok but he seemed to think opening it up and letting him have another sexual partner would make things better with us. Nothing ever came of it.

We had this close friend, a single mom. We were watching her kids while she worked nights. They slept here, I took them to school, she would come and eat dinner. One big happy friendship. It never went anywhere sexual. It never will. This friend started to become destructive and began to take advantage of us. I started to confront her on these actions. She also started to give my husband... attention that may not should have been, having explicit sexual conversations with him (once that he brought into the bedroom when I was just starting to feel better). I have never really been a jealous person but the jealousy sparked in me. I know, our relationship was bad and we were just trying to work on making it better. Well I finally told this friend we couldn't watch her kids anymore and confronted her again on her actions and how they were effection those around her especially her kids. She stopped coming around for awhile.

Durning this time it came out the feelings that my husband had for her. He told me that he wanted to get a house for all of us and we would all live together. As one big happy family. She would be his other, we could all be together. It would great, she would work, there would be extra money, I would stay home with the kids, he would have the boys we don't have. (by the way this girl is gorgeous. Pin up girl model. Really she is a model I gained nearly 70 pounds with our child, I have lost about half I have insecurities). I told him regardless of who it was I didn't think I could ever share my house with another women, especially her. I am very upset with the actions that she has taken in the last year. I also know this women better then him and knowing how needy they both are I know I would be pushed aside. This turned into a very ugly thing that almost ruined our relationship and friendship.

Things have simmered down and my husband and I have worked things our and talked alot. He has put it in his head that any female friend he had would end the same way. I tried to make him explain that I didn't have a problem with the friendship. It was where he let his feelings go and interfere with our relationship. I told him that I didn't care if he had conversations about sex with other girls, but when I am straddeling him in our bedroom, all I could think about is her, is not an appropriate thing to say. He still saw this as a polyamourous relationship without the sex. I just see this as friendship. Two people relying on eachother, talking, watching eachothers kids. Thats what friends do.

So here we are.. we are working on our marriage. I am working on my friendship with so called friend. She had cleaned up her act after everything that has gone down. My husband and I are no longer there to parent her kids, so. My husband has stayed away but is coming around. We haven't really talked much about opening our relatioship again. I'm not sure what he really wants. I'm not sure what I want. I am not completely in disagreement to opening up our relationship. Though i fear that I will be the one always left out to take care of the kids. We also rarely have time as it is for eachother let alone other relationships. He's happy now, but this subject is brought up if he's not. When he doesn't think I'm giving him enough attention. He is needy, I know this, I've known this. He always changes his mind about what he wants concerning this way of life too... I can never keep up.

Godbless you if you actaully read all this. And god bless if you actually answer me. Now... discuss
Reply With Quote