View Single Post
Old 08-16-2009, 05:23 AM
Creatress Creatress is offline
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 23

I'm feeling a bit disrespected, here. That's probably my own "fault" for not providing all of the information, but there's SO MUCH information, that it's hard to know what's pertinent and what isn't.

Here's a bit of information about me. I'm a very intelligent, self-aware person, which means I can never do anything without doubting myself; I'm always wondering if a decision I'm making now stems from some emotional injury in my past or personality flaw. I'm not risk-averse, but I'm still pretty conservative with my choices, weighing my options carefully and providing at least two back-up plans for myself. If you're a MBTI person, I'm a strong INTJ, always thinking, always figuring out how various bits of information fit in together, always planning, always thinking, always running hypothetical scenarios out, and always, always thinking.

Yes, that means this choice has been ridiculously scary for me. So would any choice involving me moving. But shortly after I lost my job in April, I resumed a friendship with A & R, and it cultivated into love. I wouldn't have been able to do that had I not lost my job just when I did, because they're 2 hours earlier than I, and it requires me to stay up later to chat with them. The timing just seems too right to not be manipulated by the Universe to bring A & R back into my life, and what reason would that be for aside from giving me this chance?

I feel like my mom is holding me emotionally hostage in some ways. I'm supposed to stay here, nine hours away from her, taking care of myself and my daughter, being lonely as hell because no one wants to handle a poly, queer, activist, vegetarian single mother. So I find love in a really practically supportive environment with other people sharing the burdens of housework, childcare, and financial support, and she wants me to just walk away from all of the potential that that brings?

Anyway. I guess I'm just feeling like people are disregarding me, considering me young and foolish without fully accounting for the fact that if this choice pans out well, it will be amazing, and if it doesn't, I have a fallback plan that will put me no worse for wear aside from some moving expenses and a broken heart. It's worth the risk, for me.
Reply With Quote