I thought I'd wave and say hello. As the username might suggest, I'm the mess in question, whimsey's husband.
I just wanted to echo what whimsey said -- I'm reading this thread (and site), and making notes, and receiving insight.
One thing I'm not doing, though, is weighing in. I think it's really important that whimsey have a safe place where she can find support and insight. She's in a lot of pain, and I've caused it, and if she can find voices that help her with that, I don't want to interfere in any way. I'm committed to that, even when there are comments I would like to respond to directly.
I'm not going to say much more, except this: I love her dearly, and I'm committed to her, in more ways than I can express. I've caused her hurt, and I continue to do so, and it's hard for me to reconcile those two things.
Fire away, folks. And thank you, all of you, for taking such good care of her.