Well - so many great and supportive replies, and obviously writing comes easily and I tend to run on, so I broke my reply up...
I did share this post and your replies with my husband...he feels they've been fair in the telling. Some of the replies stung, some rang true and some he felt strongly about - most importantly to him was that he did recognize the pain I was in...He may end up joining these forums and posting...I know he started reading some posts a few days ago (after I'd sent him so many links that I think he finally had to succumb!)
Rachelina, KatTails and Racer - thanks so much for reminding me that I'm not the only one going through this. Not that I want to wish this sort of sudden pain on anyone, but not being alone is a good thing.
Kat - I've been following your story for a while and my heart goes out to you. You are incredibly strong and I'll take your advice to heart. We are communicating a ton, and it is HARD. But in this case hard is important...
And it is through reading and researching that I find myself here, reaching out - and I'm so glad I have.
Racer - I am so sorry that you've gone through this too, and am glad that things seem better...I hope that continues. And thanks for reminding me to stand up for myself - it can be easy to forget sometimes, in the search for answers.
Rachelina - it sounds like we're almost walking the same path right now, except for the age differences. Thanks for the link to your thread - I hadn't seen it, and it really resonated. I haven't let myself put my pain into words here but it could have been my voice describing what you've been going through. I agree that the distance seems to maybe give it more power, somehow...
And the ultimate question, vinccenzo - I do feel loved. That being said, I don't know if I feel respected, valued or heard. Some of the time, yes...other times, not so much.
Right now I'm going to focus on getting through this weekend.
I think that, until they have met, everything is a little up in the air, though my gut tells me that meeting is a formality.
Sex is off the table for this meeting, though their lines of what is allowed don't match mine and that is a struggle. And I am insistent that they not spend the whole night together (which is also part of her agreement with her DH). So they are in 2 hotels and we are discussing planning a end time for Friday night, and I want to be in contact with DH at that point, for reassurance and connection. It seems that he will agree to those requests.
Again - thanks all!
I'm breathing a little easier tonight and think I *may* just be able to get some sleep... I managed only 2 hours last night which was pretty ridiculous.
I won't necessarily (or likely) reply to everyone another time, but you all had such good points and I really, really appreciate the time, the caring and the understanding you've all given me.
Now if only hugs could be transmitted over the interwebs!