Originally Posted by Lemondrop
ETA: My husband doesn't weigh in on this stuff often, but I thought you ought to hear what Easy had to say: "He's not poly, he just wants an excuse to continue cheating and keep his marriage. The only reason he wants to do poly is because he got caught. From what you said, he wasn't honest after being caught cheating, that he had been cheating for a long time. So now he's just trying to use poly to force you to let him cheat." And Easy wants to know if the poly relationship includes bringing other men into the relationship for you.
I have to say I agree with the above. You have had some really good advice I think but to me this is where it is at the most. There is just something not quite right about your story and I think its that he has cheated too long to know how to consider anyone elses feelings but his own. He has become selfish and self absorbed and is used to being like that. he doesn't seem to get that you are in pain and doesn't really care. If you are going to fuck up his chance to get laid then he sounds like he is just going to do it anyways. That isn't poly to me that is an excuse for cheating while you know about it.
I agree that it is probably out of NRE that he is acting this way. Perhaps he is an NRE junkie? I would wonder why none of his relationships have worked out? Maybe he just enjoys casual sex and the pursuit of women? All these questions pop into my head and could be ones that you could get answers for from him.
To me, this would be completely unacceptable and I would be long gone. Life to me is too short to fuck around with people who don't appreciate me and work towards a mutual understanding and respect of one another. I wonder what it is that makes you bother staying...
I also think that if this were me I would be going with him to meet this woman. We don't start any relationship sexually unless we have all met and all spent some time together. Part of being together is doing things together. to me, poly relationships are no different in this way. We share everything and work on everything together. Otherwise I would just have roommates.