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Old 10-13-2010, 09:53 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,444

Originally Posted by mumbles View Post
I guess I'm just saying I've never held it against her...
How do you have sex then?

I think a very important thing would be to choose your words carefully. Here you said you'd ask her if she had feelings for you. It meant something to you, I read it as something different. If you had phrased it that way with her, it could have ended badly.
I think using words like "are you attracted to me" or something would be better. Also, try to be clear from the get go that you do not have feelings for her beyond friendship and aren't expecting them to develop. Or even that you don't want them to develop.
It might seem a but weird and awkward to talk about that, but you do want things to be very clear with her, as she could have misconceptions.

Also, you might want to ask yourself... What if she does have feelings for you? What then? Do you still pursue the relationship for the sex aspect only, or do you drop it? What if she has no feelings now but develops them later?
It's good to think of different scenarios that might arise. This way if they do you're prepared. If they don't, good!

You could keep flirting with your friend while she's over, maybe try going a little further. I agree it's hard to know step by step what to do, since it's often more like one big leap... But it's usually best to improvise on the moment rather than plan every little action. It's more natural.
Me: 32F, straight
Seamus: My husband, 33M, straight
Fox: My boyfriend, 30M, homoflexible
Dragon: Fox's husband (and my ex), 30M, pansexual
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