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Old 10-13-2010, 08:31 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,444

I have a few comments.

First, I had a suggestion: flirt with her in front of your wife (if your wife is fine with that). If you kiss her, do it while your wife is around, etc. It would then be obvious to her that your wife is okay with it.
It would be awkward, but less awkward than a "is he cheating?" situation.

Secondly, you wanted to ask if she had feelings for you, and only go ahead if she said yes... But you don't have feelings for her, you only want sex. It seems unfair to me to lead her on if she does has feelings for you.
It's important that you're clear with her that you only want sex, not a romantic relationship.

And finally, what if you do develop feelings for her later? Is your wife okay with that as well? That's a common problem, I hear, some swingers develop feelings with a playmate and are introduced to polyamory that way. Unfortunately it can also cause a lot of hurt. Some people are fine with the sexual aspect, but not with the emotional one at all. Check with your wife exactly where she is standing so you can be sure.
Me: 32F, straight
Seamus: My husband, 33M, straight
Fox: My boyfriend, 30M, homoflexible
Dragon: Fox's husband (and my ex), 30M, pansexual
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