Thanks, both of you!
Just having someone that understands what I'm talking about here means more than I can say. At least I'm not internalizing everything now.
I've been out with them a couple of times to swing clubs. Had a good time and I'd love to go back again, but not a must have for me at all. So, yea, I get the difference between "sport sex" and relationship sex. I'm a lot like you on that, Pepper, except that, being male, I'm not adverse at all to sex with the random hot chick. But I have to have that connection, that emotional bond, for it to be anything more than fun exercise.
What you say about different attitudes is 100% on. They do look at sex differently than I do and that's something I'm trying to wrap my head around. I think that once I truly understand their attitudes, rather than just knowing what they are, it will be a lot easier.
As to keeping it slow...
It FEELS like we're moving at the speed of a glacier. But then I look at a calendar and see that what happened ages and ages ago was really only two weeks. I hear you and I'll try. But it's one of those things that is easier said than done.
How do you turn off the desire when the one you want is wearing a ripped t-shirt and nothing else and talking about all the sex she had last night? Or discussing the Jacobs Ladder that B just got put in?
What I'm learning is that we do have an 'Us" already. It's just really, really messed up and unsustainable as it sits now. Lemon, it sounds a lot like what you've described. How did you make that jump from family to poly?
Again, thank you so much for helping me make it thru this!