Thread: Social Cues
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Old 10-13-2010, 04:02 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by marksbabygirl View Post
Its been so long since I"ve been involved in dating and I"ve NEVER dated a woman - so my social cues are off.

Someone calls me "sugar" and "sweet cheeks" and I don't know if that's just their way of talking or if its an indication of interest.
Not a sign ...I know lots of women especially, who use terms of endearment but are only friendly. If you are interested you are allowed to make the first move

OKCupid sucks - I send out email after email and get almost no responses. I must be doing something wrong.
Not sure, okc is really hit or miss. Do you have a good profile or pictures up (I forget, its been a while since Ihave been on the "dating" part of that site)

But I hate that I overanalyze things - and don't know if I'm reading an expression of interest or not. happens. I do the same thing, and its like a toilet, I spin out of control until I know the answer. Kindof sucks

And how the *bleep* do I send OUT those social cues/expresions of interest. I sent a long email to someone expressing my interest in getting to know her better - and no response. There are a couple women I've been talking to who I would love to get to know better - but they keep things at a friendship level - short of saying "I like you - and would like to explore a friendship with the option of moving it into a relationship" how do I?
I would recommend just making friends with them and letting in evolve naturally. To say "I want to be a friend and potentially more" might scare people off. Being someones friend, if there is a romantic connection, will evolve nicely into romance.

I understand that they might just not be into me *that* way.... but at least one woman I know - has said point blank that she has very little luck with women - doesn't recognize social cues either - in fact was meeting up with a woman for some time - and thought they were friends - but the other woman thought they were dating.
You could try the old fashioned way. This is also a situation where if you are both used to being the "receiver" in flirts, then you will have problems. Someone has to be the initiator. Its the only way this works haha. To passives sitting there will take a long time to make that first move

1 - make friends
2- feel spark
3 - ask on casual fun time (drinks, movie etc)
4 - ask on date (hey was wondering if you would like to go on a date, maybe dinner and movie)

Dating sucks.
You just have to find your rhythm Everyone has a natural "availibility" rhythm. Some date well, others don't. You need to experiment with what works for you. My style is like the one listed above but with some extras

1 - make friends
2 - flirt incorrigibly. Usually pushing topics to see reactions (I do this to gauge not only interest but in their...interests, if they respond well to talk of handcuffs than I know I am interest )
3 - go out for drinks, flirt more, enjoy a night feeling "single" with her
4 - have over or go out for dinner, but casual
5 - have over or go out to dinner, DATE

in the end, and in my opinion, dating is nothing more than hanging out with friends and exploring the potential of that friendship to evolve. Its fun and non-pressured. If it doesn't work you have a friend, if it does work you end up with a partner.

Again, all that said, someone needs to be the initiator
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