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Old 10-13-2010, 03:40 PM
jcatx jcatx is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 6
Default Depressed--this is long

Ok, I had posted on here before and things have been....going...I am the one who wants to open things up and my husband seemed fine at first with me having a girlfriend, and I also disclosed that I had a crush on his friend.. but right now I am completely smitten by this male friend of his. He has been on and off about us talking online and over the phone--he lives several hours away--Just that crazy feeling you get with someone at first. Though some could call it being 'in love' I know I do not love him as I do my husband since he has seen me through thick and thin over the last 3 years and he sees all my flaws..I suppose I have been talking to this man since August and I am really excited to go on a date with him and I desire intimacy with him...I am totally honest about stuff with my husband but it seems the more I talk about it the more he panics..I have tried to be more giving with him sexually, attention wise, etc.--though I feel our sex life has always been good..He just can't seem to understand that I need more than him in my life in this way. And I know he has tried..Meanwhile I can understand how he feels the way he does but I just wonder if I can be what he wants me to be? Also at the same time when we talk about it I feel so guilty and bad about myself. He is an amazing husband and I am so lucky to have him and I'm just being greedy maybe, and am I being selfish? All this stuff runs thru my head..I am trying to figure out where all of this will lead. we have a two year old together and no I would never leave even if I were unhappy unless the environment were harming our child..I am studying Buddhism and consider myself as such..basically I feel that it is wrong to get what I want ever at his expense. And so if the light bulb never turns on in his head I am afraid that ultimately we will simply exist together and I feel that a part of me will die and how can our relationship grow if I feel he can't understand or accept me as I am?
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