Originally Posted by redpepper
but why the fear... because we might not get our needs met no? To me just to think of it as a fear response is .... well, terrifying. I find it much easier to think of it in terms of need because we can DO something about needs. Doing something about fear seems far more daunting that doing something about needs.
So are you advocating calling a cow a horse because you are afraid of horses ?
Don't think that's a good idea long term. Truth - as scary as it is sometimes, is usually the best path.
It's a biological thing (fear). Jealousy is another term for "detection of a threat" (real or perceived). Best to address it at it's root level to really deal with it.
In other words, discover what the fear REALLY is. When you do this often you find out the fear is really baseless - an active imagination run wild.
For me, the "needs" thing is dangerous. Can be a trojan horse. Slippery term as different people define it quite differently.
And, in my opinion only, tossing it out on the table too often can be a flag itself. It can, in some instances, be underlining the fact that the person is indeed a 'needy' person. And as much empathy as I have for those truly in 'need', I've had equally as many run-ins with people who depend on that 'neediness' to suck time and energy from everyone around them. And the outlook for any kind of a true, level relationship with such a person is seldom more than a fantasy filled with pain and disillusionment.
Does that make sense ?
You can certainly do something about 'fear' too. People do it every day. And it's a great skill to master. The world is often a scary place..........