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Old 10-13-2010, 03:47 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,702

ya, not alone. If you do any reading here you will soon see that this situation you are in is very common and not unusual. Even the age difference.

I would suggest that you back off an let them figure out what it is that they want to do. Slow down on going there and slow down on pursuing this woman... if her man isn't into a poly thing (it doesn't sound you know just yet, but if it turns out he is not interested) then he will feel very threatened by you I would think. After all he is use to sport sex. Very different than what you are offering. You are offering connection and emotional bonding.

This is the dawn of a new thing for you. Stay clam. Keep it slow. You may be all in love but they aren't and it sounds like it might be just awakening for her. The difference between casual sex in a swingers bar is VERY different from what you are proposing. Emotions are involved beyond "yay, look at me getting fucked and look how much I can fuck weeeeee....."

I suggest that you start reading the numerous posts and threads on casual sex, swinging and poly within it. Lots to learn about and know. Maybe they would be interested also. At least in listening to what you discover.

At the bare minimum, realize that they might not understand sex the same way you do. There are huge differences in people sometimes around sex. I for instance am completely unable to have meaningless sport sex with strangers and people who don't love me as I love them. It is a bond that is forever formed and I remember details about everyone I have been close to. Unfortunately I have very disturbing memories of situations where I have been used for sex. I gave myself away, it wasn't the fault of anyone but myself for saying yes when I should of said no.... all in casual sex atmospheres... I would be damaged and barely functioning if I were this woman you speak off going to swinger bars twice a month. It makes me think that perhaps she is not capable of poly love. Sure, there can be a mix of both, its a matter of knowing where you are at with it all. Perhaps a conversation on this would be useful?
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