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Old 08-15-2009, 04:58 PM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,992

Originally Posted by phoenix522 View Post
Wife said last time we talked that she wanted five or six years because, "I really like the house". This is no reason to stay married in my mind.
Agreed. Lame excuse.

Originally Posted by phoenix522 View Post
We do things together but we are more friends who share a bed more than anything else.

When I tried to gauge our relationship, I mentioned sex and she said that her body was no longer mine to play with and I could not touch.

I know sex doesn't make a relationship but dammit it does help to show that we do love one another and it is affection and more. I get all the sex I want from girlfriend but when I'm paying the bills, mortgage, tuition, etc. while wife goes to school, I just want to chuck her out on her @$$.

Now that we are both dating, our marriage is actually improving. She treats me better than ever before but again, the whole sex thing needs to be worked out. (or, am I way out in left field?)
I'm sure you're not the first guy ever to be stuck in a sexless marriage, and while I'm with many of the other posters, I'd agree with you that your marriage is broken, failed, however you want to put it. However I'm going to go against the grain here and offer something less confrontational....just because there's always another option...

You need to ask you need to have sex with her? Is there something else about your relationship worth salvaging? You say your marriage is improving so is it really an essential element of your relationship, or was it a bone of contention that was just causing friction? (Dare I refer to another thread and suggest lube?) For the moment at least....if you are getting what you need from your girlfriend, can you wait out the next couple years to see if your marriage can be brought of life support on it's own terms or cordially disolved on schedule? How comfortable are you on renegging your previous agreement to support her through school? (regardless of the your initial motivations for making it) sounds like she's lacking in the ethics department, so I'm not sure I'd trust this woman as far as you could spit her....she's cheated on you, which once you're open allows her to be honest about that with you...but she's with another cheating spouse, and nothing good can come of it. She's already acknowleged that in commenting on your own relationship with the gf. I suspect if you do keep your marriage in play, you might start making moves to have it disolved by the time she's finished school in two years, and start talking to a lawyer now about the implications of the house, the boyfriends/girlfriends, and what not....especially since it sounds like she might want to keep part of it. The marriage is a legal bond which can be a b*tch to sevre...but it sounds like there's nothing left in this that'd be worth keeping that link. Do you really want to wait 5 years, or even 2 before you start the process? If the bed sharing relationship you have with her isn't worth having her tied to your house, finances, pension, possible kids, etc....then you will need to cut loose eventually. And let's face it....poly or not, just by the numbers it's easier to find prospective mates if you get to select from the whole pool of available people....and not just those who can accept that you're already married in fact if not in name.

Ask yourself the hard questions, and be very honest with yourself about the answers. Try to detach yourself from the emotions long enough to make a calm rational decision,...this is the step most people seem to miss, and I'm convinced it's what causes a lot of the tears and heartache. It sounds cold, but you need to make your calculations with a level head to decide where you want to be in a year or two, or five, and how you want to get there.

Good luck.
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

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