My husband Macbeth and I are one week into serious conversations about opening our relationship to others. It has been the most intimate week of our marriage in my opinion. It began with a weekend away without our 11 year old daughter (something we haven't done in about two years). We had several intimate conversations, and while making love asked each other about fantasies. We had talked about fantasies of threesomes before. I told him (for the first time, although I had thought about it many times) that I fantasized about him receiving pleasure from another woman. It was very exciting and erotic.
We have been married for 15 years, and neither of us have ever had another sexual partner. We have a solid, loving relationship. We were married young (I 20 and he 23) and were very religious at the time, thus did not have sex before we were married, with each other or with anyone else. We have liberated ourselves from religion, and did so openly about two years ago although we realize we were "done" with conventional morality long before that. We both admitted that we are curious, interested, and desire knowing what it would be like to be with someone else. We originally thought we would be interested in swinging. I realized though that I didn't want just casual sex with someone, but that I wanted the open opportunity to carry deep friendships to a sexual level if we both felt inclined to do so, so long as the other realized that I would tell my husband, and that my marriage would always be "primary." I would never entertain the thought of being with someone that didn't know upfront that my family comes first. So, we aren't interested in adding marital partners, but deep friendships with benefits if we are so inclined.
After these conversations, my eyes were opened to a close friend that I have, who is single. I have mentioned to my husband that I am feeling the chemistry and excitement. He doesn't have any real prospects yet. I am planning on moving very slowly, checking in with my husband every step of the way but the whole concept is leading to a rich, open, wonderful feeling within me, that love cannot be limited but only expanded by adding intimacy with others.
We are discussing parameters, which so far have involved always asking/informing before taking steps, not becoming so involved that it takes time away from each other or our daughter, and being sure any "prospects" have full knowledge in advance of the entire situation. We are still discussing other parameters such as whether or not we would want to allow "sleeping over" with the others, or if we want to preserve that as sacred in our marriage.
We both do not, in theory, believe we will be terribly jealous although action is different than theory. We have discussed more the danger of feeling "envious" of each other if one of us has an easier time finding someone than the other. I am curious if any more experienced members have advice regarding both the envy component, and jealousy component. I would feel really bad if either of us suddenly felt intense jealousy and desired to "pull the rug out," particularly if the other had become emotionally connected.
Thanks for listening and reading to the end of this long message!