This is a really great post, RP. There IS a big difference between judging a situation selectively, for one's own benefit or the concern you have for others, and judging out of fear in order to blame or control other people.
I know that many people, myself included, can often lump ANY kind of judgment in with "desire to control or blame". For myself, this is due to past relationships where I *was* blamed and judged quite frequently by my partners. Your post has given me just a bit more clarity on and awareness of this and I wanted to thank you!
As an aside, one of the most beautiful things I've learned from being polyamorous is how each person I am in a relationship with is different from each other person. It may seem obvious, but people tend to get lazy and follow patterns and assumptions from past relationship when in fact they are not applicable to a current relationship. This goes for friendship, as well as partnership.
Ok, now back to your regular thread...